What do you Value?

And are you in living in alignment with those values...

Building on last week’s piece on worldviews, today will be a different facet of self knowledge and prioritization. As this is a newly launched writing project it might be helpful for me to share the context to understand that these next few posts are to deep-dive into the terms I will be using casually moving forward and tagging these posts as reference.

In my early 20s I clarified my core values and put words to what was central to my being and existence as a human. I’m defining core values as the most essential character components. If you were a perfume - what would you notes be?

I know FOR A FACT I’m not a floral or sweet musk. I’m a woodsy, Palo Santo, earthy, herbaceous VERY smoky scent. 

I highly encourage you - no matter your sex, age or relationship status - to spend the time getting to know this part of yourself. Everyone has these, I’m sure there are tests or lists on the internet if you need help invigorating your imagination but I encourage you to start with this question:

WHAT DO YOU MOST CARE ABOUT?

In a negative way - your pet peeves shed some light. If something deeply bothers you - you have found something that your core being values. So flip the script, what is the most important thing to you?

What is something that fills your tank? For illustration I’ll start with a few from my list. I don’t love rules so I don’t try to suggest there are any wrong or right answers but I’d say anywhere from 3-5 is a great place to start. Who you are is your business but if you think of yourself in the context of your intellectual world, emotional world, and physical worlds - that should give you at least three.

Physical World Core Value: Beauty

Anyone who knows me can confirm I am a very intentional person about aesthetics. My wardrobe/home (recently described as a cozy museum) has no color outside of a wide neutral/earth-tone range (olive green being the most extreme). I don’t have colored products in the bathroom. If it’s visible - it’s neutral. 

My eye for balance and beauty was a huge part of my last career. I designed and decorated sets for film/television/music videos & commercials. Not typically in my personal style but using my stylistic eye. I was a style consultant for people’s homes and wardrobes helping individuals find and develop their own style. Being able to help people manifest their own taste and style was highly fulfilling for me. Even though their styles were often not my own - there was much beauty. I love beauty.

This carries over into every facet of my life. If I have to look at it - or it’s something I’m making - “always be decorating.” My brother said that phrase to me one time after he noticed I was making an interesting pattern with some caulk on a wall even though I was about to cover it for good. Recognizing and creating beauty is part of who I am.

Emotional World Core Value: Pursuit

Presumptuously in common with most humans, in all forms of relationships I love to feel mutual interest and investment from the other party. Where I would say I depart from the herd and make it a higher priority can be defined by the term pursuit.

I have a lot to share. Stories, services, expertise, etc. But I like to be asked. It translates to buy-in for me. For me to share something vulnerable unsolicited takes effort. Being raw for me takes a little more for me than most people. Having an invitation gives me a little reassurance I’m not baring my soul to disinterested recipients.

Pursuit for me is a two-way road. Knowing how my heart operates informs my interactions with others. I enjoy asking questions that truly invite vulnerability and hosting dinners or asking friends to meet up. Not in a transactional way but knowing that getting to know people is a true collaborative experience and journey.

Intellectual World Core Value: Identity

Worldviews are what you believe - identity is who you are. Pardon me for a slightly meta example but my personal emphasis on core values is an illustration of how much I truly believe everyone has range and dimension.

At times to my detriment - I see people in their full potential. Who they are capable of being. Terrible in dating, disappointing in family, situationally problematic in hiring, it is a true gift in friendships. Seeing who people are becoming and treating them in line with belief in them fully actualizing. Surely - this can present frustration from time to time, and I’m really not the world’s best friend. BUT - who people are - meant to be, and the version they are today - is something that is core to my being.

And to continue my meta dive, femininity is part of my identity I am intentionally working at integrating. A guy asked me recently - do you see yourself as feminine? And my answer, was “sometimes.” He was asking my about my long nails - and if they make it hard to do things. I told him that my reason for keeping my natural nails long is to serve as a constant reminder of my femininity. The only thing they keep me from is playing my mandolin and guitar, otherwise I have a present check to stay in my feminine frame. That doesn’t mean that I only do dainty things in fear of breaking a nail. In fact - part of why I get my nails done every month is to keep them strong and healthy and reinforce my natural nail with hard polish (dip powder).

As a conscious bitcoiner I take vanity expenses very seriously. But in my core value assessment, my prioritization on my identity, and being feminine as a part of that - reinforces my decision to spend $60/month on something as arguably trivial as a manicure.

WHY ARE CORE VALUES IMPORTANT?

As I’ve already been suggesting - my daily decisions are influenced by my core values. This matters immensely as opportunities arise that are both good options. (Also in dating or career paths). The right decision objectively might not be the right decision for you. And what’s right for one person is absolutely not necessarily what’s right for another. I am not slinging relativity; this is not in regards to objective truth.

Being a stay at home mom is the absolute right decision for some women to be in line with their core values and it is also not right for every single woman. What angers me greatly about the majority of the feminism movement is the assumption that there is a more significant option.

A girl boss being more commonly respected in the world than a homeschooling, homesteading stay-at-home mother. If you are truly pro-woman, than the right decision for the right individual should be heralded with the exact same level of laud. A woman “doing it all” - having a career and family, is likely less fulfilled by one but is incentivized to split her time and attention.

I challenge you to categorize your core values and then rise to the occasion to defend your own honor. No one will gate keep your value for you if you don’t personally strive to hold yourself to that standard.

Godspeed,

Mills