I Would Prefer a Mansplanation

In Defense of Mansplaining

I preface with this disclaimer of sincerity as I do not want any confusion that this is condescending or patronizing.

I love to learn. And I enjoy hearing people talk about things they are passionate about. At the risk of sounding lame to self-reference, in my piece on worldviews I mentioned a limiting belief that had snuck in: “I don’t need a man.” Here’s a new one to unpack.

“Men are condescending when they explain to you because they think you’re stupid.”

I am not saying that this never happens, but this limiting belief is SO hurtful to both men and women. Men talking about something they are passionate about - whether you have intimate knowledge of that topic or not, is NOT condescending. They are sharing about something they either care about or are simply trying to help.

I have lived with a brother of mine at various points of my adult life and I love hearing him talk about what he’s learning. He is one of the BEST explainers around. And I’m not putting on pretend interest - it’s an amazing way to connect with him. My brother was the one who talked to me for hours about bitcoin before I ever went on my own rabbit hole journey. At another point, he was teaching himself to code and explained different programming languages to me as he was learning them. I wasn’t trying to learn everything he was learning, but being able to listen to him with understanding and hear him articulate his discoveries was a great way for us to connect.

One of the things I look forward to most in having a partner is getting to hear him talk and explain things. He’s not insulting my intelligence, but rather, complimenting my ability to comprehend and converse surrounding something he’s excited about. Talking is fun. Whether total agreement or disagreement, and anywhere in between, talking can be like dancing.

As much as I do enjoy it, I don’t need to always be in deep philosophical discussion. I love to talk about what someone is learning and excited about. If there’s passionate interest I could listen for hours. Not just passive listening - taking part by asking questions and interacting.

I wrote this piece a while back and wasn’t sure if it was worth sharing but I ended up in a conversation about dating with my brother this week and it reminded me that I’d written these thoughts in defense of mansplaining. He was saying how many of his bitcoiner friends aren’t looking for a bitcoin girl. Bitcoin is their thing/passion and if they’re with a bitcoin girl it’s more of a navigation to not seem like they’re mansplaining. This led me to recall my thoughts about my love of being taught things - and how I enjoy the parts of bitcoin I’m familiar with while still enjoying hearing about other areas that I’m quite unfamiliar with.

As I continue on my own journey to strengthen loyalty to my feminine frame, I’m finding such pleasure in not having to exercise my masculine frame.

A silly but practical way I’ve been watching this unfold is with transportation; this week I haven’t driven once. I’m a capable driver - but one thing that I’ve really been enjoying is being driven. I don’t have to think about where we’re going, I’m just resting assured that my driver is on it. I wouldn’t say driving is necessarily a masculine pursuit, BUT, as I’m surrounded by capable men who are wanting and willing to help support my family as we grieve the loss of a family member - getting rides is a way I can be vulnerable and they can rise to the occasion.

Much of my hopes in sharing these writings is to encourage goodwill towards men. The next time you feel you’re being mansplained to I challenge you to ask if you think his intent is to insult you - or are you taking offense as he shares his enthusiasm and knowledge? Here is a perfect example of what I’m hoping we can fight against.

Healthy men truly want to love and protect - they are not trying to simply assert their dominance but rather want share something they find compelling. I can assure you they would welcome an empathetic ear and understanding eyes. Since I’m yet again speaking on behalf of all men I would welcome any comments or feedback.

Sincerely,

Mills